Bad News

Dear readers,
I don't know how many of you are left out there, but I just wanted to let the few of you know where I am at. I have been toying with the idea of creating a fictional blog with some inspiration from my life events for some time. When I started, I was finishing up my final year of grad school and was crazy overwhelmed with finishing my thesis and going on research trips. I had a general plot in mind but couldn't quite get it there. I landed a job before I graduated back in my hometown and had to plan moving back there with my boyfriend, also from my hometown. We were trying to look at houses to buy from 3 hours away with a moving deadline of graduation weekend. We found ourselves a rental that was currently on the market but were promised the first chance to buy. Of course, just as we fell in love with the place and had all of our ducks in a row with the bank, we get a call that they accepted an offer on the house and it would be closing mid-June (real-time: next week). Within the last month, we have found and purchased our new home and are set to close tomorrow (eek!). I was having a hard time keeping a posting schedule in the first place, and it only got harder with no direction and seemingly no reader feedback. I let that frustration get to me and kind of dropped off of doing this blog without any explanation. I know this is a pretty new blog, and regular postings would help me build a fanbase, but that frustration and our hectic living situation got the best of me. I recently opened the blog back up to write again and just couldn't pick back up where I left off. So I'm very sorry to those of you that began reading and following this blog. I hope you don't hate me too much and understand my sorry excuse for being a horrible writer. 


I do have some good news for those of you that are still with me! I couldn't quite give up blogging, and instead of continuing this blog I began drafting up a story line and character list. I will be starting a new blog that will have a similar storyline to this that I will be committed to. If you would be kind enough, head over to Living Like Lila, I will have the first post up within a week. I decided to scrap this story and start completely fresh. I hope you all understand and will give this new blog a chance. Once I get the first post up, I will be deleting this blog. Hope to see you on the new blog!

Nice to Meet You

From the Author: Hi lovely readers! I know last week I said I would have a post up right away, but things kind of got in the way. Long story short, I had some stomach issues returning to the States that I wrote of as my body just adjusting back to our food after so much time spent eating all natural food (the stations I stayed at grew/raised all of their own food). After a week of still having those problems, I went to the doctor and found out I picked up two strains of E coli, including E coli O157:H7, trichinella, and dengue fever. I loved my time in the tropics and the rain forest was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but recovering from what I picked up has been rough, with lots of antibiotics, sleep, and fighting dehydration. I feel terrible that I don't regularly post, but it's hard with finishing up my thesis. I hope to be involved in this blog for a while, so in a few months it should be much better as long as my readers stick around. Now that I'm feeling better, here is a post all cleaned up for your enjoyment! The original post was super long, so I have to break it into two parts. Stay tuned for part 2! As always, I love feedback and suggestions!

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I debated telling Garrett I didn't want to hang out but he was already making his way up the stairs to me and I didn't have it in me to let somebody down for the second time in one day. 

"Hey, how was your trip? Get your stuff back?" Garrett asked me as I led him across the landing and into my suite. (I have the largest bedroom that includes a small sitting room and half bath, since I found the house and manage all of our bills) I cringed at his question and turned to him to come clean.

"Look, Garrett, you're a cool guy and I haven't been completely honest. This is actually really messy and I just want everything out there." My old couch creaked as he made himself comfortable and prepared for impact. "I didn't go back just to get my stuff, I went back to end things with Thomas, and instead we're doing a trial week to let me think."

"So you guys were still together? Don't you feel like you're cheating?" That last word hit me hard. I've never considered myself a cheater and am strongly against anything of that sort. Yet, as I thought about it, Garrett had a valid point. 

I had been unhappy with Thomas for a while. I thought getting a house together was the first step in our perfect future. Turns out, it just added pressure I couldn't handle. Not only did the monster-in-law make my life excessively difficult, Thomas wasn't always supportive of my dreams and goals. For my first two years of school I lived on campus and Thomas wanted me to come home every weekend. I had a hard time making friends at UW and didn't have much of a social life. 

He was also strongly against drinking, keeping me from going to any parties and even not allowing me to celebrate my 21st birthday with my friends in Madison. He didn't want me considering grad schools out of state, or more than two hours away, or hardly at all. Even being on the university dance team earned his disapproval, even knowing dance was my lifelong passion. He had been sneaking in some verbally abusive comments lately and I saw our relationship becoming a lot more toxic.

*********************

Garrett came into the mix a few weeks ago, when I had stood up to Thomas and told him I would be staying in Madison for the weekend. The team was doing a weekend of bonding with the new girls before basketball season, and as captain, I certainly wasn't going to miss that. Of course, the bonding included taking the girls to a few frats (this is Madison of course) one night and I was standing watching one of my new babies dance with some guy from AGR, the Ag frat, when Garrett approached me. 

"I haven't seen you around here, are you one of the newbies?" He asked nodding at my getup. As part of our family weekend, we had gotten together and bedazzled team jerseys so of course we all matched, hello squad goals. It was actually so we could find each other in case we got separated in the houses. I turned around to see a handsome farm boy standing over me and took in his jet black hair, piercing green eyes, and muscular stature. Hey, don't laugh, this Wisconsin girl likes her farm boys. Despite being good looking, I rolled my eyes at his lame attempt to prey on what he thought was a freshman and flipped my red hair, effectively hitting him in the face. 

"Ah, haha, sorry, I'm actually the captain, not a newbie for you to prowl on. But good try, such an original, smooth tactic you have there." I'm not always the most approachable to other men, being in a relationship and all, and I hate lame attempts like this. Before this guy could fire out his next line, I continued, "You don't look to familiar to me, you must be a cute little pledge. I don't have interest in younger men, stay in your lane honey," and flipped my hair again and turned to walk away.

"Hey, hey, hey now. I was just trying to get to know who comes into my house, no need for the attitude," he stepped in my path and stopped me. "Your hair also smells very nice, since I had the pleasure of having it in my face." Oh, he can play the sass game too. Touché. 

The quick wit earned this guy precisely 30 seconds of my precious time. The queen bee had to make her rounds; it's a social obligation. Also I had to make sure the newbies weren't doing any keg stands or getting into other shenanigans. I know I said it was difficult to make friends the first few years, but I managed to figure it out. Being on the team for so long helped and managed to give me quite the social circle. Including the Greek houses, and I always had to give my greetings. Call me the socialite of UW.

"Ok, you have 30 seconds, who are you and what's your story? And YOUR house?" I countered. 

He smirked at me and held out his hand, "I'm Garrett Kidds, AGR President, agricultural business management major, communications minor, ninth semester senior. Yes, my house. Your time must be pretty precious, Miss Captain." Oh, how witty. 

I shook his hand and responded, "Brogan Elliott Elroy, Wildlife Ecology major and dance minor, NOT a super senior. Yes my time is precious, I need to say hi to some people and check on our newbies, but this was a nice little chat." 

Garrett responded, nodding at my last statement, "I would have pinned you as more of a business-type, but that's an interesting combination to say the least; two last names, that's cool. For your knowledge, I need minimal chemistry for my degree and since it's my worst subject, I've put it off, earning me an extra semester, but it also gave me the chance to take some extra classes outside of my major related to what I want to do." 

I let out a short laugh and informed Garrett that my parents didn't hyphenate my name, I was named for my grandfather, who had the same blond patch above his temple that I was born with. Garrett actually got rid of the smug grin he was sporting and leaned in to talk over the frat shenanigans in the background, "so this blond chunk," he grabbed the two inch white-blond section of hair just above my right temple, "is completely natural?" I nodded and tipped my drink back as a way to cut the contact between us, uneasy with how it made me feel. 

"Never been dyed. It sticks out but I like the way it looks. The red? Definitely not natural in case you were wondering. By the way? The chemistry class you're taking? Way too easy. I can't believe you struggle with it. And that's coming from someone who only passed high school chemistry because a distant relative was the teacher," I chuckled and walked over to the keg behind the bar to refill my cup. "I still don't see how I've never seen you, considering this is probably my favorite house," I gave Garrett the cup I was filling and filled one for myself as he looked at me, intrigued. 

"Sorry, hostess tendencies. Some things from those etiquette classes just can't be shaken," I explained, clearly allowing the hops and barley to fuel my chattiness, "My grandmother on my dad's side essentially refused to come to my confirmation unless my parents put me through etiquette class and told them I can't possibly be a polished dancer without lessons in etiquette. This coming from a vulgar Irish woman," I laughed.

Garrett leaned against the bar as I hopped up and made myself comfortable sitting on the bar top, "this house reminds me of the get-togethers back in the homeland. Considering the best place to throw a shindig was somebody's parents' old barn in a town up north of less than 1000 people, this is just like the old days. Just call me the small-town socialite," I joked.

Garrett laughed into his cup and looked up, "Well make yourself right at home Captain Elroy. Can't let us forget your title and make the mistake of calling you a newbie again can we? I think the blond and dark red looks pretty cool, by the way." I smiled and re-crossed my legs. It was nice to talk to someone at a party without them blatantly trying to seduce me or being a drunk mess.
"I stay pretty behind-the-scenes at these things, usually. I never understood chemistry, and I just don't give it the time I should," he paused and looked at me, "maybe you could help me out in your free time?"

Ah. There it is. "I'm kind of with someone. Hey, it was nice meeting you, but I should get checking on some of the girls," I said as I turned away, uncomfortable with where this was going.

Garrett gave me an unreadable look before answering with a forced laugh, "Yeah, some of the newer guys here can get a little out of hand around females. It was nice meeting you too. If I see you around my house again, I'll make sure to remember your... authority."

With that, I gathered up the girls and ushered them home for the night before anybody did anything highly illegal or embarrassing.

From the Author

Hi readers! I know it has been a long time since I have posted and I'm sure many of you are wondering where I've been. I was down in Central America for research and the station I was at that was supposed to have internet, was having problems with their internet. I planned on posting while I was down there but wasn't able. I'm really sorry about the unannounced hiatus and will have the post up for you tomorrow afternoon if you're still with me. Thank you everyone for your patience!

From the Author

Hi friends! I am really grateful for the traffic this blog has gotten so far! I didn't think that many people would visit so I'm really appreciating all the love you have shown me. I also REALLY appreciate the positive comments and thank you again for visiting! I know that's all I keep saying but seriously...
Anyway, I have a new post up. I'm open to any feedback on my writing and will have another post for you soon! Thanks for reading :)

Love Story

I had always thought I would marry my high school sweetheart, that's the way it's supposed to end right? We had even bought a house together and were talking about getting engaged soon. How does  something like this just fall apart? I though about where Thomas and I went wrong in our relationship and considered turning around and running back into his arms, telling him I didn't mean it and I would fix everything in our relationship. But it doesn't work like that. What's done is done and I have to face it.


As I continued to drive on into the night I found myself lost in thought about my relationship with Thomas. It was a perfect love story and set up to last forever... well we see how that worked out. We met years and years ago; we have actually known each other since middle school. My parents had just moved us back to my hometown after spending ten years in a Chicago suburb for my father's job. This was the first time I had changed schools and knew nobody, not that I had gotten the chance to since we got settled in exactly one day before school started. Let's also take a minute to establish that the awkward middle school phase hit me like a freight train. I didn't see the first sign of boobs until well into high school, I had braces, and was rebelling against the upscale, suburbanite life my family embodied. AKA: my emo phase. I cringe even thinking about it. So here was this mess of braces, elbows and knees, and poorly dyed black hair getting on the bus bright and early Monday morning (I had never used the bus to get to school so I was only slightly intimidated) at the last stop and the only place to sit was in the back with some older looking kids. This tall, awkward looking guy with red (pink?) hair offered me a seat by him and made conversation with me. It looked like somebody else was going through the same phase as me and we bonded and became bus buddies. Thomas was a year older than me and became something like a big brother to me in middle school.


Fast forward a few years and he left me to grow up and be in high school while I had to sit in the eighth grade. Lame I know. By this time I had made plenty of friends (turns out everybody wants to get to know the new kid in small towns) and fit in with just about any crowd but really had a desire to date older boys. Of course Thomas was there on the bus still to help console me over my heartbreak of the week. We stayed friends in high school but drifted apart. He was more of the hipstery/musician crowd and I was in the homecoming court/go to every football game/varsity dance team crowd. Oh yeah, I'm a dancer, fun fact. It wasn't until the end of my junior year of high school and a slew of two-month relationships going nowhere, AND being dumped after prom (to be honest the best part of prom was parading around for court and looking like a princess, definitely not my date) that one of my guy friends said maybe Thomas was interested in me and I should consider talking to him again. We hardly ever talked anymore after I got my license and didn't need rides from him and I found it odd that he would be interested in me but whatever, it's boy attention and I was all about that life. Of course I texted him and struck up a conversation and talked day and night. And being the flirt I used to be I encouraged the attention but never agreed to a date until the summer after Thomas graduated, a few months since I first texted him. He took me to a tractor pull in a nearby town (that's what we do in small towns, don't judge) and it was cute and lame and cheesy and perfect. He even brought me back home (his parents') and made me filet mignon for dinner. I was clearly impressed.


Thomas was way too nice though, so of course I fizzled out our texts because he wasn't douchey enough and didn't try to have sex with me. Even though I had only slept with two guys up to this point, I was still a closet sloot, whatever. My head wasn't exactly screwed on straight in my high school years (it's probably not even now if we're being honest with ourselves). Instead I chose to fool around with this guy who was in love with himself so much he was incapable of noticing anybody else. At some point I realized this life was not fulfilling anymore and reached out to Thomas. I guess something in me knew it was time to go for somebody I could actually have a relationship with. Well, imagine my surprise when I called him and heard a female voice answer, "Thomas' phone." I didn't see him as the type of person to really go between girls although I had pretty much given him the cold shoulder so I just told her to have him call back when he was free. I know, ballsy. Not even ten minutes later he called apologizing about that (wrapped around my finger already) and said something about having a going-away party and this girl Staci that wouldn't leave him alone. Staci went to school with us and graduated with him and was well known for... making her rounds. She should have been a red flag from the start but I was more concerned about why in the hell he was having a going-away party. Thomas told me he was leaving for South Dakota in the morning for lineman school. I had no idea he was into that or even considered leaving but he told me there wasn't really much in Wisconsin for him.


So that was that. Thomas moving across the country was a kick in the ass that made me realize I wanted him. Two days after he arrived in South Dakota, he received a sobbing phone call from me reminding him how much I missed him. I get what I want, always. A few short weeks later, over Skype, Thomas asked me to be his girlfriend and it was the sweetest thing, probably ever. So we began our relationship over long distance. When he returned home, we had the strongest relationship anyone could ask for, even when I moved to Madison for college. We had five hours of distance between us but that didn't stop us. We visited whenever we could, with him making special trips to watch me dance (UW dance team, NBD). It was hard and the drive was agonizing, but we did everything we could to make it work. BUT...


His mother was the definition of monster-in-law. She adored me but since she never finished her college career and was a stay-at-home mom that leeched off of her husband she expected me to be a little housewife too. Sorry Karla, I have career goals. So of course she snuck in snide comments about school whenever she got the chance and had no lack of comments about the distance. It only got worse when Thomas and I decided to buy a house together. I think she was expecting me to quit school and enter full housewife mode. No such luck. My parents warned me that it would be difficult to balance but what 21-year-old listens to their parental warnings. Certainly not this one. Thankfully my name wasn't exactly on the mortgage so the status of the house ended up being the only thing not messy about the breakup. But back to the issue on hand. The MIL was getting increasingly rude and shot down all of the career paths I was thinking of. She was putting an unbearable amount of pressure on me to always be back home and that just wasn't feasible with class, dancing, and having an internship. I had planned on moving back home and claiming my hubby after graduation since I was guaranteed a job there but that wasn't soon enough for her. I was already halfway through my seventh semester, with only five months left. I had already nixed my plan of grad school when Thomas and I really started planning our future but he was more important to me. And here I was, exactly three weeks before my birthday. All of the pressure from her and Thomas adding to the anxiety with picking at everything I did in Madison finally brought me to the breaking point. Garrett entering the mix only fueled the fire.


I was pulled from my thoughts by the floodlight on my garage signaling I had made it back to my college house. I hauled all of my belongings out of my poor little car and inside before calling my parents to let them know I had gone through with the breakup and was safely back to Madison. I checked in with my three roommates before I began finding a place for everything I had taken back. I was halfway through unpacking when Marie, one of my roommates called up the stairs for me. I peeked my head out to see Garrett on the landing.

Blackout

I had come here with clear intentions, and it was time to follow through.

"Thomas, I just need to do things on my own. I feel like we're growing apart and we both know you don't like who I'm becoming; I think we really need some space to figure out who we are and where we're going."

That was such a rehearsed line and deep down, I knew it. I just couldn't bring myself to shatter his heart with the truth. I watched the tears roll down Thomas' face as he fell to his knees when my words finally sunk in. Truthfully, I don't know which one of us was more heartbroken. We both looked at the floor in silent tears until he finally looked up and spoke,

"Please. Please Brogan. Why are you doing this to me? Why is this so sudden? What about our future? Our home? Our baby?"

I looked down at the brown eyes peering up at me and my heart broke knowing I was giving all of this up. I had it made here, I had a home we had put weeks of work into, Thomas provided for me even though he knew I could take care of myself, and we had a sweet, loyal collie we both loved like a child. There was no way I could take Kimber with me; the rental I shared with my three roommates had a strict no pet policy.

"Okay, what if maybe we just take some time and I make a decision?" I asked Thomas, wanting to somehow make this easier. I already knew my decision, but whatever he needed to hear. "Just give me a week to really think on it and then we'll evaluate where we are," he looked a little less devastated but I knew this would hit him hard. "I'll do anything Brogan, I can't lose you."

"I'm so sorry Thomas, just know that no matter what I will always love you," and with that we sat together in silent tears before I noticed how late it was getting and let him know I had to get on the road. "Aren't you staying with your parents tonight?" he asked me.

"No, I have a lot to do tonight and I didn't bring any clothes or anything plus I have class right away in the morning," I didn't have much to do, and truth be told, I would most likely be skipping my morning class but it gave me an excuse to get the hell out of there. We walked over to the door and looked sadly into each others' eyes for a moment before sharing one last kiss. With that I left his house, MY house, and didn't look back until I was an hour into my drive and realized I had a death grip on my steering wheel and was breathing like I had run a marathon. I hadn't remembered any of my drive; I barely knew where I was or how I even stayed on the road and it was well into the dark night. Great, I hate driving at night and can hardly see. I made a mental note to call my mom and get me into her office to see if I need glasses. I pulled over to get it together, mostly because I wanted to survive the roughly 4 hours I still had ahead of me. As I leaned my head against the steering wheel, the tears returned. I knew this was my choice, but that didn't help the pain at all. I was giving up so much and had no idea if I made the right decision. I pulled it together and wiped my nose on my sleeve like the lady I am and looked around. Slowly, I began to remember my surroundings and remembered where I was. I took another minute to slow my breathing to normal before I decided I was in the condition to finish driving.

I spent the rest of my drive thinking about the last four and a half years with Thomas, the memories we had, and how it ended like this.

From the Author

Hi everyone! I know you probably want to hear more from Brogan than me, but I just want to thank everyone that has visited so far! I don't have a posting schedule just yet, but I'm stockpiling a couple of posts and once I have some saved up we'll fall into a schedule pretty nicely. I'm hoping. The first few posts are a little bit shorter, mostly because I'm too excited to get them posted. Again with the stockpiling, once I have more saved up and can regularly post you will notice them being much longer. Thank you everyone for your kind comments! Expect another Brogan post soon.